So-called fame

 　　I firmly believe that stories of famous people and celebrities are unbelievable, because the truth is always far more tragic and realistic than what we hear. You don't know how many nights of agonizing, self-disciplined effort went into their rise to success.

　　I really like a seemingly insignificant line from *A Tale of Two Cities*, which says that every window, and even every door within that window, in the dark, crowded house holds its own story. I don't like to downplay these stories. Everyone has their own struggles, and everyone's life is difficult, which gives me a basic respect for everyone.

　　The stories aren't like what the news media portrays, where everything seems so hard-won. How much he persevered, how much he worked, how he finally stumbled upon an opportunity and succeeded. These are really boring, but this is the kind of narrative I've been exposed to since childhood. Is this a valid way of expressing things?

　　I stand on the bridge admiring the scenery, and you look at me from elsewhere. We're both like this, easily imagining others' perspectives as better than our own. Some studies have shown that among the tens of thousands of thoughts a person has each day, some revolve around speculating about others, some around relationships, some around the self-deprecating sense of failure, and some around self-reflection. Tomorrow, the same mistakes will repeat themselves.

　　The media paints stories in a positive light, but as a human being, ask yourself: Don't I have many dark thoughts? Don't I live a decadent life that I enjoy, seemingly indifferent every day? Yes, because I truly don't know what life was like for Apollo, the sun god.

　　I admit I'm a failure, someone who doesn't care much about success, and rather pessimistic about life. Instead of constantly thinking about what I might gain, I'd rather simply tell myself: give up, don't think about anything. I spend my days indulging in unfounded fantasies, wasting energy on things completely unrelated to real-world well-being, but I enjoy this life. You might think it's dangerous, but as long as I'm happy, that's all that matters.

　　Reading and writing, in the end, isn't a particularly glorious thing. I think everyone can do it, everyone can write something different; the only difference is that I, this fool, will stubbornly persist. I like this kind of unproductive pursuit. This work isn't like a proper job.

　　I don't want to find any meaning in it, because philosophy is what gave birth to humanity. Only in this way can we reflect like dust, can we live and die, can we willingly die, and can spend our waking hours in stories. Therefore, the existence of any kind of writing should be allowed.

　　Your existence should be allowed. In that case, fame really should be something to be ruthlessly told to get lost. When awarding prizes, when attending events, those who have endured many blows in life and fantasy, those with weathered faces, are probably thinking: Forget it, what's there to say? I myself don't understand what's going on.

　　I humbly say: I'm a lucky one. Life can be summed up in two sentences: As long as I'm happy, as long as you're happy.

　　Fame stems from people's voyeuristic desires, always craning their necks to see other people's lives or stripping naked to tell others how they live. I find this disgusting, it's from the same source as a couple eloping in feudal times being stoned to death.

　　Overcoming the obsession with fame is a good thing, but also a difficult one. However, I'm happy to do it, as long as I'm happy living my life. I don't want my words to bear too much responsibility, like the idea that literature should convey moral principles; being pretentious is exhausting. This is how people born in the 90s think, so I don't really want to hear about many of the issues that are being discussed.