Part 1. Forbidden memories of love
are the most terrifying graves; buried memories will one day burst forth in full force.
"Little Pudding, what are you doing here again!"
Ke An's tall figure came into my view. He smiled happily, squinting as he looked down at me. His breathing was rapid; perhaps because of the cold weather, his exhaled breath turned into a large circle of white smoke that sprayed towards my face, blurring my vision instantly. The
warm sun was blocked behind him, and I could vaguely see tiny beads of sweat on his hair shimmering with a dreamlike light, much like the sun's rays, slightly stinging my eyes. He had just finished playing basketball.
It was cold, yet he was only wearing a thin blue sweater, loose casual pants, and a pair of white sneakers. His hands, white with cold, always made me feel warm. He loved basketball, perhaps more than he loved me. Only after playing basketball would he smile so happily; I never saw him smile otherwise. Perhaps, like me, he harbored a story unknown to others.
"I like it, what's it to you!"
I pouted, annoyed. That Ke'an, my name is Bu Xiaoding, but he always calls me "Little Buding," ugh, it sounds awful! So mean, so mean!
"So naughty!"
He smiled helplessly, gently flicking my nose with his index finger.
"Hmph, giving me random names, I hate you!"
I turned my head away, pretending to be angry, but I really am spoiled by him.
"It's so cold, don't run around, can't you stay in the classroom?"
A pair of warm hands tightly enveloped my icy hands. The sudden tenderness brought tears to my eyes, and all my annoyance vanished in that moment. To hide my distress from him, I deliberately lowered my head, making a soft "hmm" sound through my nose.
Because of him, I finally understood the true meaning of happiness! Before, I thought I would never love again; that feeling was so painful, so incredibly painful!
Honestly, during my first year of high school, my life wasn't so monotonous because of him. He prevented me from becoming deeply mired in the past, unable to escape. After experiencing the pain of first love, God always leaves you with the most suitable happiness. Plain, simple, peaceful, soft, and never fading away…
Every day I would sit under the kapok tree by the school playground for a few minutes, and Ke'an would always come there to play basketball regularly.
Ke'an seemed sunny and humorous on the surface, but he wasn't very talkative and didn't laugh often. Clearly, I saw two big dimples on his face; clearly, I could see the fine lines at the corners of his eyes. He must have used to laugh a lot! I don't know what happened to him. He didn't say, and I didn't ask. Perhaps everyone hides a taboo about love in their heart, afraid to touch it, afraid to reopen it. Some memories are always painful.
There, under the kapok tree, my innocent and naive love fell into the silent river of time with the falling blossoms of a season, never to return. From afar, I seemed to see the happiness I had so desperately sought, so beautiful, pure, luxurious, painful, and irretrievable…
"Do you know what the meaning of the kapok flower is?"
"What is it?"
"Cherish the happiness before you!"
"Yes, I will definitely cherish you! Every year when the kapok flowers bloom, I will accompany you to see them. Even if one day we go far away, to the ends of the earth, or our hair turns white and our faces grow old, I will still bring you to school to see the kapok flowers bloom."
Part 2: The Budding of Love
Junior high school is a complex term, implying many things. Studying, frustration, effort, exams, graduation, farewell, leaving, further education, growing up…
In the first few days of school, watching other classmates busy with their studies, I couldn't feel excited at all, and I didn't feel anxious at all. I listened to 25 minutes of class, slept for 20 minutes, and always only half understood the textbook material. Actually, I'm not stupid, I just don't want to study; I'm genuinely uninterested in learning. As long as I maintain a top-five ranking in every exam, and don't end up like my deskmate Lin Tianyou, "honorably" hanging in the bottom three on the honor roll, I'm fine! What
I hear most every day is the incessant chatter of our homeroom teacher, Miao the Great. She always yells at Tianyou at the top of her lungs, "Lin Tianyou, why don't you study like your deskmate?!"
Whenever this happens, little Tianyou always looks at me with a mournful gaze, and of course, I put on a helpless, innocent face.
Besides being passable in my studies, all I have is extra weight. My chubby body is always an eyesore on the street, and I can clearly see the "disgust" in people's eyes. I love to sleep, I love to play, I'm careless, and I don't know how to care about others… I really don't know what I have to learn from. Every time I hear Miao the Great say this, I feel a pang of self-mockery.
Wasting my days, I haven't even realized that two or three weeks have passed. Every day I eat, play, sleep, occasionally tease my deskmate, and deliver homework to the English teacher—it seems like there's really nothing else to do.
Oh my god, is my junior high school life just going to end like this?! God, at least grant me a passionate love affair! Even chubby kids deserve happiness!
I never imagined I'd run into Miao Dashen in his office. Love at first sight—that idiom suddenly popped into my head. Oh no, God, how could I have such thoughts? I'd be grateful if my looks didn't scare him away. Kid, go wash up and go to bed. A quick calculation tells me you're not destined for love! You should think about the English speech contest in a week. If you don't get first place, just wait to see the English teacher's disdainful look. Tsk tsk, that's definitely crueler than death. Suddenly, I realize death is a relief!
How to put it? He's not tall but very cute and good-looking. I don't know if describing a boy like that is a bit perverted, but that's definitely the impression he gave me.
That day, I went to Miao's room to get my lab supplies, but as soon as I entered, I felt someone's cold gaze fixed on me. Ugh, I knew I'd been rejected again. Is it my fault I look like this? Okay, it is. I shivered and quickly grabbed my things and fled.
I know that someone with my physique is hard to ignore, no matter where I go. But over time, I've gotten used to those disapproving looks and it does
n't bother me anymore. Fate is a strange thing. That boy actually became a member of our class, and he even sits behind me! I don't know if this is good or bad for me; after all, who can predict the future?
Miao told me he was here for tutoring, one of the recent graduates. But I've never seen him before! However, for some reason, seeing him again fills me with a little excitement and anticipation. Tianyou told me that feeling is liking someone…
I saw his name in his notebook: Yun Tian, surname Yun, given name Tian, deeply etched in my mind.
Many times, I would see Yuntian with his head down, taking notes. He never talked to anyone, nor did he play basketball with the boys in his class. It seemed that studying was everything to him, and serious boys are always very likable.
My first impression of Yuntian was that he was a very shy boy. For example, once when the new female geography teacher called on him to answer a question, he unexpectedly blushed and stammered, making it impossible to understand what he was saying. The teacher had to put her ear close to him to listen, and he was so startled that he almost squatted down on the ground... I had never seen a boy with such a cute side. I thought it would be fun to be with him!
Perhaps some people are just born actors, always able to portray illusions so realistically.
Part 3: The Growth of Love
My junior high school English classes were always packed with activities, and I had to collect homework every day, so I inevitably came into contact with Yuntian. As usual, I started collecting our group's homework, but I felt like something was staring at me. When I looked up, I met Yuntian's gaze. His deep eyes were exceptionally bright. Why was he looking at me like that? Without thinking much, I quickly looked away, pretended to be calm, smiled slightly at Yuntian, and returned to my seat, suppressing my excitement and confusion. I don't know when it started, but Yuntian's attitude towards me seemed to have changed a lot. He would smile at me when he saw me, and occasionally ask me some English test questions. He finally started to look at me properly!
That night, I couldn't sleep at all. Thinking about that warm look in his eyes during the day, thinking about those unrealistic dreams, I felt restless. Since I couldn't sleep anyway, I decided to go online to look up some information. But as soon as I logged in, a message popped up.
"Dandelion's Promise" requested to add you as a friend .
Verification message—Yuntian .
I stared wide-eyed at the bold words on the screen. It was his name. I wasn't dreaming; it was real. Of course, I clicked "Accept" without hesitation.
About half a minute later, Yuntian sent a message. I carefully replied to every word he said, afraid of accidentally saying something wrong.
During our chat, I discovered that he was actually a very cheerful person. He was very humorous, and he would often make me laugh out loud.
That night we talked for a long time, reminiscing about our school days—the sad, the heartbreaking, the happy, the unforgettable… Throughout, he never mentioned his own love life. I had seen his signature, and I was certain he didn't have a girlfriend, which made me happy for days.
He said he wanted me to tutor him in English, and without hesitation, I agreed. A small, burgeoning desire made me fall into his trap without warning. Blinded by love, I had no idea what I was doing, how foolish my actions were.
If you've been rejected by millions but one person is willing to stay by your side, either they genuinely want to be good to you, or you have something to use them. Foolish girl, if someone of the opposite sex goes to great lengths to please you, it doesn't necessarily mean it's love.
Tutoring him was actually quite nice, because he would buy me candy every day, hehe. But when a boy and a girl are always together, it's inevitable that people will gossip, especially at school. Those rumors spread faster than a UFO and are more exaggerated than someone choking on water. And girls like me are always seen as a toad trying to eat swan meat—okay, it sounds harsh, but it's true. Let whoever wants to gossip, gossip. Anyway, Yuntian doesn't care what I care about. Arguing with them is like talking to a brick wall. The only way to deal with those people is to avoid them, out of sight, out of mind.
As long as the ending is good, I'm willing to endure all the pain.
In the days that followed, I tutored Yuntian in English almost every day. Talking to him made me blush, and even the slightest physical contact made me flustered. But looking at him made me happy, thinking of him made me joyful, dreaming of him made me blissful… They say love can turn a rational person into a complete fool, and who can argue with that?
Time slipped away amidst Yuntian's sweet words. He said he loved being with me, that he felt safe and secure whenever we were together, and that I was a good girl who would surely be happy in the future. Then one day he said I was too naive and easily deceived, but thankfully he was there, and he would protect me… The little boy, his still-childish face showing a stubborn expression, vowed to protect me for life, and I actually believed him. But perhaps the "vow" and "promise" were just empty words.
On the day of the midterm exam, we both said good luck, but in the exam hall, I couldn't concentrate at all. My mind was filled with Yuntian's smile. I carelessly filled in some "ABCD" on the test paper and hastily handed it in. The scores were about what I expected; I was still in the top five, while Yuntian was in the top ten. This gave me a small sense of pride; at least I had something to offer that I could be worthy of him. After that, he seemed to work even harder, and I did my best to help him.
Autumn has felt like an eternity to me, only this autumn, thanks to him, has I not felt so lonely. Not long ago, I read a sentence in a book: Loneliness is like being half-submerged in a river, the autumn waters growing cold. Solitude is like being surrounded by a forest, the chill deepening. Maple leaves always seem to be associated with these two words; at dusk, autumn mist rises, the maple forest rustles…
To be continued…
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