I'll never be so foolish as to ask you that question again, "If I and your mother fell into the water at the same time, who would you save?" Because I already know that the most perfect answer you could give would be nothing more than, "Save my mother first, then I'll go back to be with you." Grandma doesn't need your help. Grandma will desperately climb ashore herself. Even if she can't, Grandma will shout loudly to get Old Wang next door to save her, even at the cost of getting soaked, because Grandma doesn't want to die, Grandma wants to live! Sitting on the sofa
in
Two Shores Cafe, I still felt a dizzying sense of unreality.
The woman making coffee across from me was called Xiao Yao. A cup of coffee in front of her was steaming, the coffee pot beside her quietly keeping her company, a perfect harmony.
And on my side, there was a pot of tea—yes, this was a pot of Longjing tea that Xiao Yao had ordered for me at the cafe. Although it was inappropriate, I liked it! I was amazed by her thoughtfulness. Because I genuinely don't like coffee; I only like the color and taste of Longjing tea. But how did Xiaoyao know that? I'm not familiar with her.
It was Xiaoyao who invited me to the coffee shop. A woman I can only say I know, not that I'm close to. Xiaoyao is Daming's ex-wife, and Daming is from my hometown. They just divorced, supposedly for a strange reason. Rumor has it that it was because of a Barbie doll. Just think, a delicate Barbie doll, actually breaking up a couple that everyone considered a golden couple, a man who would peel shrimp for his wife, was divorced because of a Barbie doll. Explosive news, right? Doesn't it feel like it's grabbing attention and flooding social media?
I'm actually not very familiar with Xiaoyao, but I interact with Daming more because we're from the same hometown. Daming is the epitome of a good man in our eyes. Handsome, a model of a northern man, successful in his career but not a womanizer, devoted to Xiaoyao, deeply in love, loving towards his children, respectful and filial to his parents, loyal to his siblings, and like brothers to his friends. But even such a role model was getting a divorce. Everyone said Xiao Yao was "dramatic," so it was impossible not to gossip. Therefore, when Xiao Yao asked me to meet her at a coffee shop on WeChat, I hesitated for a long time before finally replying with "okay."
Beautiful piano music filled the coffee shop. A quiet girl in white was playing "Autumn Whispers." In this gentle atmosphere, Xiao Yao, like a delicate and exquisite lotus flower, smiled sweetly across from me, without a trace of the sorrow I had imagined a divorced woman to have.
2
"Sister, you've been looking at me for so long, don't you think I've become much prettier?" Xiao Yao tilted her head, smiling mischievously. I nodded slowly. Yes, I was much prettier than before. The style of my clothes seemed unchanged; the designs and colors were similar to before, even the bags were the same. But why did I feel that overall I was much prettier than before?
"Sis, don't be confused, haha, these clothes and bags are all genuine. I used to use high-quality replicas, you get what you pay for!" Xiao Yao seemed to sense my confusion, gesturing with her slender fingers, each nail adorned with a pale yellow plum blossom pattern, captivating my eyes.
"Sis, are you wondering why I invited you to the coffee shop? Haha, because I like your writing, I always feel like you understand me. I know everyone says I'm dramatic, that I'm making a fuss over nothing, that I'm ungrateful, that I'll regret it someday. I don't want to explain anything to others, but I wanted to talk to you, after all, you're the only acquaintance who hasn't tried to dissuade me from getting a divorce." Xiao Yao said with a familiar smile. I actually felt that we weren't really close, we'd never sat down and chatted alone before, even though we added each other on WeChat because of Da Ming, we'd hardly ever spoken privately. Even so, looking at Xiao Yao, who seemed to be talking to a close friend, I still found the woman in front of me very endearing, even though she had filed for divorce from my fellow villager.
3.
Xiao Yao filed for divorce from Daming more than half a year ago, going through legal procedures. It's said that after a major argument over a Barbie doll, Xiao Yao took her daughter and left home, moving into her workplace and filing for divorce. Because the two couldn't reach an agreement, Daming refused to divorce, while Xiao Yao was determined to leave. The first court hearing attempted mediation, but Xiao Yao remained unmoved. They waited another six months for the final ruling: divorce, and custody of their daughter was awarded to Xiao Yao. After the divorce, Daming showed no signs of starting a new relationship, and Xiao Yao seemed content with her life with her daughter. Everyone was baffled by their actions.
"Sister, actually, I really didn't expect to get divorced. I firmly believed we would grow old together..." Indeed, four years of genuine love in college, four years of companionship after marriage—how much sweetness, how much affection, how much reluctance to part—how could she be so heartless as to abandon it all?
"Sister, he's a good man. He's good to me, good to the children, good to everyone. But I'm tired. I don't feel safe around him, I'm constantly worried about the future, and I can't take it anymore. So many times, I've tried to convince myself with Festinger's Law: yes, since we can't control 10% of life, we can control the remaining 90%. A happy life is in our hands. But after all that motivational talk, I still feel exhausted. I'm not a saint; I want to live the life I want. I'm just a selfish little woman; I can't adapt to his lifestyle. I've talked to him many times, and he just agrees verbally but doesn't actually change anything. I know he thinks he's right. Yes, morally speaking, he's right, but I don't like it."
Yes, what does a woman truly want? What truly makes her feel happy? It's not about a diamond ring, a bouquet of roses, or a plethora of material possessions; it's not about meticulously planned romance, nor is it about your tender care and pampering. It's about spiritual connection, a communion of souls, and the respect that emanates from your heart. Daming
is
a good person. However, being a good person comes at a price.
Daming earns a lot, but he also spends a lot, and much of it isn't on himself. To be honest, Daming lives a very simple life, but he's always eager to help those around him. Daming also has a fatal flaw: he doesn't know how to refuse, and he's unwilling to refuse. When
people from his hometown need to see a doctor, Daming used to get up before dawn to queue up for them. Now that online appointments are available, they still habitually ask Daming for help. Xiaoyao suggested that they could easily make appointments online back home, but Daming just smiled and made the appointments for them himself, because he couldn't bring himself to ask. When
people from his hometown want to come to the city, no matter how convenient taxis are, how smooth the public transportation is, or how congested private cars are, Daming always picks them up and drops them off. Xiaoyao suggested that if necessary, they could take a taxi, and they would cover the cost. Da Ming just smiled, because he couldn't bring himself to say it.
Whenever a colleague got married, Da Ming would always send a wedding gift with just a phone call, even if they'd barely exchanged a few words at work. One colleague even sent Da Ming letters, texts, and WeChat messages after having a second child, despite having no contact since. Xiao Yao pouted. Da Ming's company was a large organization with frequent weddings, births, and the passing of parents. He'd spend money on weddings this year, then on births next year, and then on second births every two or three years. Whenever Xiao Yao objected, Da Ming would always comfort her, saying, "Don't worry, don't worry, when our daughter gets married, we'll make sure they all give gifts." Xiao Yao glared. Her daughter was only three; how many more gifts would she have to give before she could get them back?
Socializing, socializing, should be a two-way exchange. Why do we only give and never receive? Even if we didn't get married or have children, couldn't we at least send gifts for our children's birthdays and Chinese New Year? Why didn't anyone think of that? Aside from calling you when they get married or have children, do you have any other contact with some people? No, no. In that case, why should we give them gifts? Socializing, socializing—where is there any interaction without a single meeting?
Although Daming didn't take Xiaoyao's advice, he would buy her things she liked afterward, cut her fruit, and try to please her. However, Xiaoyao was still unhappy. She felt Daming didn't respect her and treated her like a child; they were unequal.
Daming
's parents came to visit. The two kind-hearted elders didn't act like domineering in-laws; in fact, the mother-in-law kept insisting on helping with the cooking. But Xiaoyao wasn't happy either. Her upbringing forced her to smile, but she didn't feel happy inside.
Her father-in-law was a smoker, while her daughter coughed frequently and had allergic asthma. Xiaoyao suggested that Daming tell the elders to quit smoking, as it was clearly bad for their health. Since it was bad for their health, shouldn't someone who truly cared for them persuade them to quit? But Daming couldn't bring himself to say it. Later, Xiaoyao got impatient and simply invited the elders to smoke in the hallway.
Her in-laws didn't flush the toilet after urinating, so Xiaoyao asked Daming to tell them. Da Ming was too embarrassed to ask, preferring to clean up after them each time they used the restroom. Xiao Yao, getting impatient, personally demonstrated how to flush the toilet, and only then did her in-laws change their habit.
Da Ming's nephew was a student; the little girl had an iPhone 6. After it was lost, her sister was afraid to tell her husband, fearing he would scold and beat the child. She asked Da Ming to buy her an iPhone 6 first, promising to return it to her uncle when the child started working and had money. Xiao Yao objected, arguing that losing a phone shouldn't be hidden from parents. Besides, students don't earn money; why would they need such an expensive phone? She suggested giving her some old Samsung phones they didn't use, and letting her use them until she earned enough to buy an iPhone 6 herself. Da Ming was too embarrassed to ask, because it was his sister calling. Of course, in the end, Da Ming still bought the little girl an iPhone 6 and also asked Xiao Yao, trying to appease her, if she wanted a new phone. Xiao Yao, in a huff, ignored Daming and said fiercely, "I'm not that unrealistic. I don't live the life that matches my income."
The incident was also related to the little girl who bought the iPhone 6.
The little girl came to her uncle's house with her classmates to pick up an iPhone 6 and was captivated by her cousin's Barbie doll. Daming persuaded his daughter, "Give it to your cousin, and Dad will buy you another doll." The daughter hugged the doll tightly, even crying worriedly. Xiao Yao coldly told the little girl, "If you want a Barbie doll, ask your mother to buy it for you." The teenage girl blushed, cried, and ran away with her classmates. Daming kicked the door hard, and Xiao Yao suddenly became hysterical, as if on purpose, acting like a shrew, her usual manners completely gone. Daming slapped Xiao Yao hard, and then, as if it had been planned all along, Xiao Yao grabbed her daughter and ran away.
Xiao Yao didn't understand why Daming told everyone the truth. Shouldn't they, as blood relatives, speak their minds? Does readily agreeing equate to filial piety and love? Does refusing mean not considering them family? It's precisely because they're family that we can say no to wrong things, right? Only by correcting our mistakes can we improve.
Xiao
Yao sat opposite me, tears welling in her eyes.
"Sister, I feel like I'm deliberately making a scene. It's like I'm really waiting for that day, like I'm plotting a divorce. Even though I don't dare admit it, subconsciously I feel like I'm hoping he'll hit me so I can leave."
"He's very good to me, and I can spend his money however I want, but I still don't dare. I'm afraid that when the money runs out, our daughter will suffer. I feel bad for him because he works so hard for money. I can't afford the designer brands I want and have to buy knock-offs. I feel so wronged. Although he's good to me, he's good to everyone. I can tolerate being wronged myself, but I don't want my daughter to suffer too. I want my daughter to be a proud princess, not a saint. She should be able to consider her own interests first, not think about so-and-so around her. So-and-so around her isn't our responsibility; they should be responsible for their own lives. They're not our burden." "
Da Ming is a good person; he's good to everyone. He's a saint. But Xiao Yao isn't. Xiao Yao is just a small woman. What she wants is a small home of her own, a place where she can live as she pleases."
Da Ming was a good man, but he wasn't a good husband. He didn't treat Xiao Yao with genuine respect, like a child—he would verbally comfort her and feel sorry for her, but the concept of equality never existed in his heart. Their souls didn't connect, and their spirits no longer aligned.
So, although Da Ming was a good man, he was divorced. Because he didn't understand that what women want most isn't material wealth or meticulous care, but genuine respect, equal treatment, and spiritual connection—that's the secret to a lasting marriage.
No comments:
Post a Comment