The June I graduated from university, the girl who slept in the bunk above me said that her biggest regret about university was that no boy would wait for her outside the dormitory on his bicycle. I used to think that four years of university was a long time, long enough for all sorts of boys to wait for me outside, long enough for those little romances to last forever. However, in the blink of an eye, four years of university had passed, and none of that had come to pass.
After I became a foreign correspondent, during a vacation back home, I talked with university students. A senior told me that he also wanted to work abroad, but he had wasted four years of university, hadn't done any preparation, hadn't mastered his major, and couldn't speak English well. Was it too late? What should he do?
Then, when I returned from my foreign posting, at 27, I had dinner with a junior from my 20s. She said, "Senior, I've realized that after finishing my master's degree, I'm already halfway through my twenties. I still have to find a job, get married, have a second child…"
We all used to think that our twenties were a very, very long time, so long that it seemed like they would never end. Or rather, at least our twenties, like any other decade in our lives, are at least a full ten years. Ten years seems like an incredibly long time to us young people.
But harsh reality is quite different. For most of us, our twenties feel like only three years. The first year is spent aimlessly in university, sleeping in and skipping classes; the second year is spent frantically sending out resumes, renting apartments, and commuting by subway; the third year is spent doing a job we don't like, living in a city we don't like, and being pressured by relatives to settle down and start a family. Then, in a daze, we're almost thirty.
When I first realized that my twenties weren't actually ten years, I was 24 and had a stable job. That year, I had an opportunity to work abroad in Latin America. Many people said that the price I was paying was too high; by the time I came back, I wouldn't have time. Three years later, I'd be 27 or 28, and getting married and having children before thirty would be impossible.
That was the first time I heard that for a 24-year-old girl, there was no time left to go far away. In your twenties, you have to work, earn money, take out a mortgage, get married, and have children—all of these take time and are packed full of activities. My twenties felt so fleeting, like a single moment could slip away unnoticed, as if a decade had never truly passed.
Did I dare to set off? Did I dare to abandon the seemingly secure stability back home? Did I dare to go to such a distant continent? Did I dare to risk heartbreak? Did I dare to trade the most beautiful three years of my life for an unknown future? Amidst all the weighing and anxieties, I discovered that the world and time are far too cruel for women.
Later, I rode in an armored car to the favelas, lived alone in a cabin deep in the Amazon rainforest, cried during a grand carnival, and wished myself a happy birthday amidst Jamaican reggae music mingled with alcohol and hormones. Those beautiful moments, like fireworks rising in Rio de Janeiro, illuminated my twenties.
Along the way, I met many people, including many women in their twenties, and heard many stories—stories about distant places, freedom, love, work, travel, and the world. Three years—Brazil, Argentina, Peru, Ecuador, Jamaica, Costa Rica, Venezuela, Cuba, Chile, Panama, and even Suriname—I traversed a map of Latin America, and gradually realized that my twenties had truly passed by.
Sometimes, when faced with opportunities, if we don't realize the preciousness of our twenties, if we haven't done the math about time and age, then when faced with the onslaught of marriage and stability, we might not choose the same path. We might choose to sleep in, skip classes, just like when we thought four years of university was a long time, only to realize our mistake in our senior year and start using the phrase "If only I had known..."
In São Paulo, I met a woman born in 1986, a pretty girl from southern China. At a dinner, I told her some stories from my travels in Latin America, and she looked at me with envy, saying, "I'm only two years older than you, but I can't even remember what I was doing when I was your age." This woman got married right after graduating from university. She only remembers being a full-time housewife ever since, but when she tries to describe it, she can't recall how quickly those days flew by.
After I was stationed abroad, I clearly remember how each month went, where I went on business trips, who I met, and what stories I filmed—I can count from January to December. Instead of realizing at the end of the year that the only difference between this year and last year is that another year has passed. I realized that if you choose to fight against time, your twenties will have a decade; if you drift aimlessly, your twenties might not even have five years.
Everyone has the right to choose, and I don't reject being a full-time housewife at all. My best friend in Brazil is also a full-time housewife. Aline is a graduate student majoring in international relations at the University of São Paulo. She also came to Brazil with her businessman husband after graduating with her bachelor's degree. The difference is that after arriving in Brazil, she diligently studied languages, quickly learned Portuguese, and through various efforts and introductions from friends, started teaching Chinese at the Confucius Institute in São Paulo. Later, she applied to the University of São Paulo for graduate studies.
As a female undergraduate who studied Portuguese for four years, I felt that pursuing a master's degree in Brazil would be difficult. Yet Aline, a girl who studied Portuguese for less than a year, successfully entered the International Relations program, which requires extensive reading of Portuguese books, and even secured a full scholarship. She's often busier than me, someone who's constantly traveling. When I asked her out for dinner in São Paulo, her response was always a pleasant surprise. "Let's meet tonight then. I'll come find you after my piano lesson this afternoon."
Aline, in her twenties, although a full-time housewife, lives a radiant life. She remembers every single day of her twenties.
Life is simply a matter of how we choose. Since we can all do math, we'll eventually discover that time isn't as abundant as we imagine.
May our twenties be truly lived to the fullest, a full decade.
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