Images, Life

     I always seem to think a lot at night, and it's at this time, when many are fast asleep, that I start turning on my computer and writing stories about myself and life. Actually, I don't like to call what I write "creation"; I'm just someone who likes to tell stories, to tell myself stories that move me, and then feel moved by the crisp sound of the keyboard. Sometimes, words are truly a form of remembrance… I love

    images

    , every moment. It's as if I want to express something; I might gaze at an elderly couple supporting each other in the sunset, feel moved, and have a sudden inspiration…

    I love life, every detail. Like a vibrant life, I'm moved by others' stories, and I ponder, reminisce, find peace, and drift into slumber within my own… I'm touched by

    images and life itself

    , because I'm inherently a person easily moved. Life is actually quite ordinary, repeating things I don't want to do but have to every day. My thoughts are strange and eccentric; I worry about the future, feel lost about my dreams, and bewildered by love. This isn't what I truly want, but because I'm not fully independent yet, I sometimes have to rely on my parents and family. Although I long to fly with my own dreams and wings, when I try to spread my wings, I realize they're not yet strong enough. Therefore, I still need to survive under their protection. These are things that cannot be solved by… I'm trying to change the status quo. Every day is like a film reel, pausing at certain moments and then continuing, sometimes smooth, sometimes paused. I search for a bit of passion and novelty in this dull and boring life. I long for a life with tension, I always have...

    Suddenly, I think of my life in a northern city. It was truly an unforgettable memory. I was like a young person who never had any worries, somewhere between maturity and naivety, passionate and unrestrained, always seemingly with inexhaustible energy, living a fulfilling life amidst the hustle and bustle and tranquility. Actually, thinking about it later, it was all just ordinary stuff. It was just that I forgot the taste of loneliness because I had things to do. So, people can't be idle for long periods of time, or rather, people can't be without anything to do. Back then, I was filled with passion for my work, working from morning till night, even thinking about my tasks and unfinished business while trying to sleep. Then, I would wake up groggily in the morning and step into another busy day, finding joy in the busyness and experiencing the satisfaction of accomplishment amidst exhaustion. So, I wasn't tired...

    During my breaks, I could go to a nearby typhoon shelter alone, order a hot papaya milk tea, and spend a weekend morning to the sound of romantic music. Then, I would do things outside of work to refresh my weary body. Actually, I'm a man who appreciates the finer things in life. I neatly arrange my room, wash my white T-shirts, use elegant glasses, iron my shirts and ties, and then go to work looking clean.

    This might seem like an ordinary life to everyone else, nothing special, just a quiet and routine every day. But it's precisely this kind of life that moves me. It makes me feel happy, truly happy, simple and beautiful...

    So, even now, whenever I think of that period of refined living alone, I smile knowingly, a beautiful curve appearing at the corners of my mouth.

    These are just images, easily forgotten in the calm of daily life. But when life throws curveballs, I find myself longing for the lifestyle I once lived, a way to compensate for the shortcomings of reality, or perhaps even spiritual deficiencies.

    For various reasons, I had to abandon the lifestyle I loved and continue my otherwise bleak life in a different environment. Although I am familiar with my surroundings, a familiarity tinged with strangeness, perhaps it is precisely this familiarity that brings a touch of warmth and comfort—something I lacked in those earlier years. Yet, in gaining affection and warmth, I lost my freedom. God is always so fair; He doesn't make the blind deaf. Sometimes, I truly hate God…

    I don't know how much longer I will live in this life without freedom, or how much longer I will live this way without freedom. But I will continue my life with a grateful heart, thus prolonging my existence. I will still edit yesterday's experiences into images, sealing them away in the attic of my memory, so that on a quiet night like this, I can relive those images and continue my life. I will be very happy, I definitely will...

    When I know what life is,

    I'm 18.

    When I know what life is,

    I'm 20.

    When I know how I should live,

    I'm 22.

    When I know what kind of life I want, that's

    when I can calmly reflect,

    looking at yesterday's images to plan today's life.

    Images won't repeat themselves,

    so

    life will be just as wonderful...