Raising a son makes one unaware of a mother's hardships, while raising a daughter allows one to repay the debt of gratitude to one's parents.
This saying has somehow become popular on social media and online.
The reason for this lies in the influence of thousands of years of traditional Chinese patriarchal values on people's thinking.
In the past, the birth of a baby would be met with congratulations. If a son was born, the husband and mother-in-law would beam with smiles, their faces radiating enviable confidence, proudly proclaiming, "Our family has an heir!"
If a daughter was born, the joy would be accompanied by a sigh. Since ancient times, sons have been considered the family's heirs, while daughters were considered guests, not the true family members.
Therefore, having a son was a major life event; of the three unfilial acts, the greatest was having no descendants. This "descendant" referred to a son. Not having a son was a shameful thing, something to be ashamed of.
Whether in wealthy or ordinary families, the methods of raising children differed, all for the sake of consolidating social status and family interests. Parents might sacrifice their daughter's marriage, marrying her off to someone they dislike or who is unsuitable. At her wedding, her parents might say, "For the sake of the family, you must sacrifice yourself!"
Why would they allow their daughter to sacrifice her marital happiness for the sake of family interests and to consolidate their social status? Shouldn't boys strive and work hard? No one provides an answer because there is no right answer.
Of course, men might also marry women they don't like for their own benefit, giving them the status of a principal wife. They can have multiple wives and concubines, and have affairs outside the marriage. Women, however, are confined to the inner courtyard, lonely until old age.
Feudal marriage is unfair to women; thousands of years of societal norms have confined women to a narrow space.
In this new era, with new ideas, women are no longer appendages of men; they no longer need to depend on men for survival. Women have the space to showcase their talents, and through hard work, they live glamorous lives. Women have broken free of predetermined circles and are living with their own unique style.
Times are changing, society is developing, but the deep-rooted flaws in many people's hearts have not changed. They still don't understand how to respect women, respect marriage, or acknowledge a woman's place in the family.
The saying "Raising a son doesn't know the mother's hardship, raising a daughter is how one repays the parents' kindness" is somewhat extreme, but it reflects the reality for many.
Why don't they know the mother's hardship when raising a son? Because many men believe women should manage the household and bear children. Men, on the other hand, work hard outside (some just to make ends meet), and should be treated like royalty when they return home. Over time, this influences the children. Aren't mothers also just people in the house who manage the household, cook, and do the cooking? A little money is enough.
Raising such children is a misfortune for women and a failure for men.
I believe there are many such men. They come home for holidays, leave their gifts, and then either go out and cause trouble or stay out all night at the mahjong table. The meals the old woman prepares are constantly being reheated and cooled, and a family reunion meal is a rare treat.
The saying "Raising a daughter is how one repays the parents' kindness" doesn't apply to daughters, regardless of their abilities—whether they are farmers or officials. She would bring what she considered the best gifts, cook with her mother, and eat with her parents.
Most importantly, after marriage, the daughter experienced the hardships of ten months of pregnancy and the life-or-death struggle of childbirth, understanding the difficulties of motherhood.
If pregnancy and childbirth are expressions of a woman's love and trust in a man, then giving birth is a brush with death, one step into the grave, the other into the unknown. The man only cares about the child born; he cannot comprehend the hours of labor where his wife battles life and death, enduring pain and suffering. A
daughter is her mother's little cotton-padded jacket because she understands her mother's hardships, the pain of ten months of pregnancy, and the nurturing grace.
A daughter is her father's sweetheart from a past life; this love is innate, yet he doesn't understand why the child came into being, or where the child comes from.
There's a saying: "Better to lack a father than a mother who begs for food." I've modified this saying. The original is: "Better to have a father who dies than a mother who begs for food."
Why is there such a saying? Isn't having a father who is an official good enough? Okay, there's a better life and future, a life of luxury, and the ability to rely on one's father's connections. Why would someone choose a beggar mother over a high-ranking official father?
Many have seen or heard of stories like "The Case of Chen Shimei" and "Qin Xianglian," so the plots are well-known.
But look at real life: how do wealthy (official) fathers act? They use excuses like being busy with official duties, leaving their children somewhere to go, and then they might be off having affairs. Some remember to give their children living expenses, some visit them periodically, and some simply forget they're fathers. Others treat their children as a burden, neglecting them, or concealing their children's existence to marry a second wife.
On the other hand, a beggar mother (in poverty) would sacrifice herself for her children. If there's only one bowl of rice in the pot, she'll feed her children first, and even if she has to beg, she'll find a way to keep her children with her.
At this point, some men might say that this woman lacks vision, that she shouldn't only focus on her children, but should strive to create a better life for them.
Women aren't stupid (though we can't rule out the possibility of them being stupid). When women work hard, they're no less capable than men. It's because they can't let go, can't bear to give up, and can't bear to, that they grit their teeth and persevere.
I once saw a street interview online: "After a divorce, would you choose the children or the house?"
Most men would choose the house; without a house, without property, they certainly wouldn't choose the children. When asked why they didn't choose the children, they said, "I don't know how to take care of children, and I need to find another partner. It's so inconvenient to have a child with me." Yes! It is indeed inconvenient to have a child, but is it convenient for your wife to have a child?
Some men even said, "You can have more children. Housing prices are so high now. It's easy to have children, but it's not easy to buy a house. How many children do you need to have to buy a house?"
Tsk tsk tsk, children are easy to have? Even having several children doesn't buy a house? Your wife has to go through life-threatening situations to give birth to one child. How many times does your wife have to go through life-threatening situations to earn you a house? How much is a life worth to you?
Children are people; they can't be compared to houses. You can buy another house, but once a child is gone, it's gone forever. However, men don't understand, or rather, many men are unwilling to understand.
I once heard a mother-in-law say to her divorced son, "Let her take him, let her take him. Children can be born to anyone. The child is yours; he'll naturally come back to acknowledge you when he grows up. What are you worrying about?"
Hearing this might chill many women's hearts. If life and marriage are unhappy, then cutting your losses is the wise choice.
I had a friend who also encountered the aforementioned mother-in-law and scumbag husband. He earned money but didn't contribute to household expenses, and his wife had to serve him at home. Fortunately, my friend made some money in business and bought some property. Her friends encouraged her to change her child's household registration, preventing the father from acknowledging her. She could support herself and her child; why add another father to her list? Finding a lover could provide emotional comfort and someone to talk to.
A young mother lived in the same building as me; she was an alumna or a junior from my school. After giving birth to her second daughter, her husband disappeared. She struggled to raise her two daughters, unable to work, and barely made ends meet. Her mother would sometimes bring her rice and vegetables, and her mother-in-law would occasionally visit, but her husband never showed up.
After her younger daughter was weaned, the mother advised her to leave the child with her mother-in-law so she could go back to work.
Her reply was, "They've always favored boys over girls; who knows what will become of my daughter if she stays with them."
Later, she started a small food stall in an abandoned guard post in the neighborhood. She carried her younger daughter on her back, and two plastic stools in the corner served as her older daughter's desk and chair for doing her homework. This space of less than three square meters housed the three of them.
Life was hard, business was tough, and a neighbor would help by helping with the children and going to the market to buy things for them.
Honestly, leaving her younger daughter with her mother-in-law would have made her work much easier, but she insisted on keeping the child with her.
This is a mother—someone who suffers herself rather than see her children suffer.
When interviewed, the woman said, "I'll definitely raise my own child. No matter how valuable the house is, it's not as important as my child."
The mother believed her child was important because childbirth is difficult, and having a healthy child is even more difficult.
The man, on the other hand, thought that money was all that mattered.
In a mother's heart, her child is priceless, far more important than a house. What use is a house if a child is the continuation of life, while a house can be bought with money? Even if a big house can't be bought, a place to live is enough. But losing a child means losing hope and the future, a part of life itself.
Children are people, people are alive, while houses are inanimate.
If a child bumps or bruises themselves, gets sick, or doesn't do well in school, it's always the mother's fault. Because it's the mother who feels the pain, and it's the mother who sheds tears with her.
The person calling for "Dad" either criticizes, sighs, or throws some money away and leaves.
Why should a child go home to their mother? Because the mother will wholeheartedly try to solve the child's problems. The father, on the other hand, might say, "Go find your mother."
Why is it that when people are in pain, tired, or disappointed, they unconsciously utter "Oh, Mom!"? Because it's the mother who loves her child with her heart and actions.
Raising a son doesn't reveal the mother's hardships; raising a daughter shows true gratitude to one's parents. The new era has given women the opportunity to participate in the workforce, to make their own decisions, and to be able to care for their parents. This is women's liberation, a blessing for women. But it also puts pressure on many unambitious, stagnant men, because wives are harder to find, and wives are more disobedient. "You're not working hard enough, and you're making someone suffer with you? That's not fair!"
they'll say. "Why are women so materialistic these days?" Actually, it's not that women are materialistic, it's that you've disappointed them. This is also the reason many women don't marry; if they can't find a suitable partner, they'd rather stay single. "Only
when you raise children do you understand the kindness of your parents," but many people don't understand this even after raising children.
Having said all this, good men don't need to take it to heart; I'm talking about the majority. Bad women shouldn't be smug either; abandoning children, being unfaithful, unfilial, and unjust will not end well.
This is just an article, reflecting only a part of reality, not the whole picture. So, it's best not to take it personally.
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